The Perfect Picture.

Perfectionism is a trait that many people value and strive for in their lives. However, for some individuals, and especially mamas, it can become a source of significant distress and anxiety.

The mom influencers on social media sure look like they have it all figured out. They have the perfectly decorated home in your favorite style, they make all their kiddo’s food from scratch with healthy, organic ingredients, and they even look like they shower and style their hair and clothes every day…. who does that?

Here comes the #truthbomb.

Perfect doesn’t exist. There will NEVER be a point when your brain says “ yep. it’s absolutely perfect”.

Whether you’re a self proclaimed perfectionist, or those closest to you have labeled you as such, chances are that what is really happening is that you are experiencing what I like to refer to as the anxiety doom spiral…

In Sarah Wilson’s book “first, we make the beast beautiful” { A great read!} , she articulates the doom spiral so accurately.

“ I said earlier that making decisions is a key anxiety trigger. If we drill down a bit we can see that this happens because we work to the belief that there is a perfect decision out there to be made. But such a thing doesn’t exist. And clutching at something that doesn’t exist is enough to send anyone into a drowning panic. We can NEVER find the best option. Anxiety is what occurs when we realize this, when we realize that we are not the captains of our own ships. What do we do next? We grip more, grasp outward more, get busier and more controlling”. (page 224)

This is an example in decision making, but this can apply to all things, especially for the mamas.

Let’s take a moment to explore the link between perfectionism and anxiety, and how therapy can help individuals manage their perfectionism and reduce their anxiety.

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by a strong desire to achieve flawlessness and high standards in one's work, relationships, and personal achievements. While striving for excellence can be motivating and lead to great accomplishments, perfectionism can also lead to self-criticism, excessive concern about mistakes, and fear of failure.

Perfectionism and Anxiety

Perfectionism can contribute to the development of anxiety. Individuals with perfectionism often experience high levels of anxiety because they believe that any mistake or imperfection will result in negative consequences, failure, or complete loss of control. The fear of making mistakes can be paralyzing and prevent individuals from taking risks or pursuing their goals.

Perfectionism can also lead to excessive worry about future events and outcomes. Individuals with perfectionism often feel the need to plan and prepare excessively to avoid any potential mistakes or failure. This constant worry and planning can be exhausting and lead to burnout.

When we are mindful about what’s happening, we can begin to become an observer of our thoughts and inner landscape.

So much of the work around perfectionism and in turn anxiety is becoming an observer of what is happening in your brain. We often confuse our thoughts with the truth and my goodness, our brains are SO good and convincing us that everything we think is true!

Therapy that can be really effective in treating anxiety and perfectionism by focusing on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors that keep us stuck in the seemingly neverending anxiety doom spiral.

For example, a person who believes that any mistake is a failure can learn to reframe their thinking to accept that mistakes are a natural part of the learning process and can provide opportunities for growth and improvement. Individuals can also learn to face their fears and take risks without being paralyzed by anxiety and perfectionism.

It is so freeing when we get to experience our lives and motherhood in the way that allows to find joy in the process and presence with our children.

What are some of the negative thoughts that lead to your anxiety doom spiral? Head on over to my instagram page and comment!

XO,

Deborah